Sunday, May 22, 2011

Australian dollar raptures bogans

Kitchenslut was partaking of a Sunday morning browsing on his laptop in bed, with an infusion of single origin Ethiopian coffee, when he came across an interesting link at the blog of Harvard economics professor Greg Mankiw to save beloved pets left behind by raptured Christians.

"You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 26 states, employing 40 pet rescuers. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral/ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $135.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $20.00 fee."

Mankiw saw this as an example of the profit motive providing a market. Kitchenslut saw this as a strategic opportunity for Cairns. This is an opportunity to diversify the economy with a new industry and income stream. We can offer Cairns as a global sanctuary for post-rapture abadndoned pets.

This would be similar to the recent proposal to offer Cairns as a refuge following the Japanese earthquake. We have a significant marketing advantage here, as we all know in the Far North, being able to offer the saved pets their own paradise here on earth. Not something that can be offered in Iowa or Montana.

This scheme also delivers an immediate cash income stream to support the local economy. Kitchenslut intends to pass this idea on to Paul Freebody who has previously seen the light in adapting innovations from the USA with his Car Wash Cafe.

Rapture is something also impacting the Cairns economy in a different way. The broader definition of rapture at freedictionary is: "The state of being transported by a lofty emotion; ecstasy." It is just this rapture for the Australian dollar identified by Boganomics

"On Monday, 31st January 2011, the bogan woke to find the lemon-coloured morning sunlight playing whimsically on the folds of its Ultimate Fighting Championship bedspread. On this glorious day, the Australian dollar had surpassed the US dollar for the first time since its float in 1983. The bogan reclined in its bed, entertaining pleasant fantasies of magic omelettes, maxtreme tats, hair extensions and an orgy of full moon madness, not to mention monstrous bright pink Hummers costing just a week’s salary. The bogan was king of the world, right where it belonged. Chants of “Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi” could be heard rattling up the McMansion-lined avenues of suburbia."

This Australian dollar rapture has transported our bogans away from Cairns to Bali, Thailand, Bali, Thailand, and shopping expeditions to the USA. Perhaps a strategy to counter this would be an offer to redeem fees paid by clients to save their pets, for tourism to Cairns.  For example any un-enraptured client who travels to Cairns could rebate their upfront fee on, say, Great Adventures, Skyrail, or an all-you-can-eat-during-your-entire-stay voucher at the Night Markets food court.

This would replace our elsewhere transported, dollar enraptured bogans with incoming un- enraptued Jesus-loving Christians. This is just the sort of innovative marketing entirely absent down at TTNQ!

Kitchenslut has noted the use of polemic slogans by the Editor-at-Loose, Gavin King, following the technique of his journalism mentor, blogger and macca-acolyte, Raj. This is usually "Cairns needs blah". Just a single 'blah' as it's important for the slogan to be succinct and absent any rationale. So it's fair enough for Kitchenslut to follow this style
:


CAIRNS NEEDS A RAPTURE STRATEGY!  


Note: FNQhome.com has already posted on the post-rapture pet care phenomenon. Boganomics also posts at Things Bogans Like.

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